I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
he thought i was a dude.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
