what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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