He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
