Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
