I'm pants shitting drunk right now
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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