On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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