Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
