if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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