I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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