I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
