You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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