literally had 100 drinks last night.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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