Sacagawea was the original milf.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
