Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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