My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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