just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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