The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
found the other keg... it's in the tree
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
