I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
