At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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