Fine. I'll sleep in my office
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
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Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
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i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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