it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
