my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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