I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
