He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
