hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
