I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
