i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
