True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
