If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
