He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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