Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
