when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
