Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize