everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize