i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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