Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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