i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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