My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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