You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
