Having a random hookup so left but love u
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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