I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
