so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
