i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
