Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
