Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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