The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
