I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
dude. I can hear the air.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
