We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
