woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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