You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
