there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Someone came in the potted fern
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
