my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
