So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
