He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
