i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
