haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We have so much sex to catch up on
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
