My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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