i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
