I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
