it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
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I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
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Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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