Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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