I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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