Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize