Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
there is glitter all over my balls
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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