The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
