Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
