He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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