okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
