Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
