so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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