i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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