mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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