i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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